you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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