Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
