I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
