I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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