Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
