this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
