you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
