I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
