found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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