remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
