i think i recognize dicks better than faces
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
