I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
