Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cover your peen. We're going out.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
