She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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