I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
