He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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