It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
