I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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