why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
