i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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