I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
