I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
