Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
