Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
