You smell like stripper and shame
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
