Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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