I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize