I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
