The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
