I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
