Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize