well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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