i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Are we still banned from the library?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
