My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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