I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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