Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
