I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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