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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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