You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
