You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Couch. On fire.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
