Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize