My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
