***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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