on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
