Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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