Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
