I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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