So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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