Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
