and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
