Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
