dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
