I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
