why didn't you poke me back
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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