dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
