Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
