Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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