I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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