His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
