And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
