How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
