ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.