It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't deserve a penis
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head