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my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she smelled like a LAN party
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
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