that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.