My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean