I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever