you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....