FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?