Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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