so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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