I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how does that bad decision feel?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
