why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
