You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
