Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
