I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
