did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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