I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
