he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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