Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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