You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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