remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
