how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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