I think i sorta joined a cult last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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