I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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