we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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