Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
